In March I decided on a Thursday afternoon that it would be a good idea to take a vacation. On Friday I got on my little computer and searched for flights to “anywhere” and decided to pick the cheapest one. And that is how I ended up in Edinburgh on Sunday evening. Normally I will take a few months to plan my adventures to travel hack my way to a destination, but I was feeling trapped and needed an instant escape this time around. Let’s break down how I got there (the cost – we’ll save the analysis of my sanity for a later date).
- Roundtrip flight from NYC – London: $1079
- Lyft to London hotel: $200 (I was as shocked as you are. I thought it would be like $50. I am a fool.)
- London hotel (1 night): $111
- Train from London to Edinburgh: $112
- Train from Edinburgh back to London: $55
- Edinburgh hotel: $755
Total cost for transportation & accommodation: $2312. Honestly it isn’t terrible given the fact that I booked this trip on Friday and left on Sunday.
Day 1
The truth is I spent the first day of this trip in London, but we shall leave that for the London post! So Day 1 is actually Day 2 of this trip. But it’s the day I arrived in Scotland and this itinerary is about Edinburgh! #ancestralhomeland.
Day 1 spots:
- Breakfast: Southern Cross Cafe
- Stops:
- Royal Mile
- The Writer’s Museum
- Scottish National Gallery
- Scott Monument
- St. Giles’ Cathedral
- Victoria Street
- University of Edinburgh (Old College)
- Dinner: Hotel Dinner at the Angel’s Share Hotel
I booked this trip for the gloomy aesthetic of Scotland in the spring so it was ironically devastating to wake up on my first morning in Edinburgh to drizzling rain and raging winds. The reality of actually walking around in the pouring rain hit me hard the second I stepped out onto the cobblestone streets. I have a tendency to try to explore everything the day I arrive at a new place but battling through the weather using my umbrella as a shield quickly dampened that urge.
I took shelter for breakfast in an adorable little breakfast spot called Southern Cross Cafe located right in the heart of historic Edinburgh. They serve lattes in giant mugs so I decided to stay there long enough to have three of them (Regrettable. I took this way too far and was noticeably twitchy by the third.). Then I hyped myself up enough to take on the rain and headed out after a delightful morning of caffeine and leisure reading. It was time to see the city!
The Royal Mile is a very long street that basically consists of museums, restaurants, and shops. You might think this street is a mile long, but you would be so wrong. How silly of you to think that. It’s actually one Scots Mile long, which equates to 1.13 miles. Alas, I was too full from breakfast to try more food and after perusing the shops for a bit, I decided to head over to the Writer’s Museum.
I felt very literary going to the Writer’s Museum, but then I remembered I don’t actually care about museums because I can find all that information in books, which I can read laying down and eating snacks. But I wandered through the museum to get out of the rain for a while and soak up the literary vibes.
For a person who doesn’t like museums all that much I certainly put more than enough of them on my itinerary. Luckily, the Scottish National Gallery is an art museum which means you can just stare at random paintings of dead people and pretend you’re classy without having to spend hours on your feet reading signs on the walls. I did my best to blend in with all the people who were obviously far more cultured than me and I’m pretty sure I succeeded. I strolled, I gazed, and I did not fall asleep thanks very much.
The final stop of the day was St. Giles’ Cathedral, a medieval church located in the middle of the Royal Mile. Unbeknownst to me, I had picked the best day to visit because there was a church choir putting on a performance when I walked in (or maybe that is normal). I sat in the pews and listened to the echoes of the choir while I stared at the stained glass windows and, for a moment, I almost forgot that I’m living in the 21st century.
By the end of the day I had walked over ten miles in the rain through the hilly, cobblestone streets of Edinburgh. I was thoroughly exhausted so I headed back to my hotel to eat dinner in the comfort of my slippers and pajamas.
Day 2
Day 2 is all about bookstores. I was in the midst of editing my fantasy novel manuscript when I took this trip, which was why I decided Edinburgh was the place to be. J.K. Rowling stayed in Edinburgh while she was editing the greatest series of all time (Harry Potter you fools). This trip was all about sitting in quaint coffee shops to read my fantasy books, edit my manuscript, and walk in the footsteps of all the novelists who came before me.
Day 2 spots:
- Breakfast: Hotel Breakfast at Angel’s Share Hotel (I’m SORRY. I like to eat breakfast in my pajamas)
- Bookstores:
- Armchair Books
- Blackwell’s
- Transreal
- Edinburgh’s Books
- John Kay’s
- Topping & Co.
- McNaughtan’s
- Lunch: The Witchery (oOoOhHhH…spooky…spookily EXPENSIVE)
- Sights
- Edinburgh Castle
- Calton Hill
- The National Monument of Scotland
- Dinner: Hotel Dinner (because I was bamBOOzled by The Witchery)
I have a problem going to bookstores to salivate over all the books and then walking out and saying to myself, “I’ll buy the kindle version.” I must be traumatized by the number of times I had to move during college because all I can think about is how much books weigh and it’s not a good idea to keep buying them until I’ve settled into my future cottage in the countryside. Let’s talk about some of the standouts.
Armchair Books
Armchair Books is an adorable second hand bookstore that made me feel like I had stepped through a portal to a magical book universe. Inside this unassuming little book nook are winding hallways filled with books stretching from floor to ceiling. When I walked inside, I was greeted with the familiar comforting aroma of books that have been well loved by their owners.
Transreal
Transreal is on the same road you’ll stroll down to reach Greyfriars Kirkyard. This bookstore is a veritable cornucopia of science fiction and fantasy literature. I spotted some of my favorite authors on the shelves including J.R.R. Tolkien, Sarah J. Maas, and Brandon Sanderson. But don’t worry – this bookstore isn’t only a spot for the most popular books in these genres. You’ll find plenty of hidden gems here that are well worth the read.
John Kay’s
John Kay’s is without a doubt the bookshop I was most excited to visit. Located on Victoria Street, this place just oozes magic. Supposedly it was the inspiration for Harry Potter’s Flourish and Blotts so you KNOW it was on my itinerary. Upon entering, I immediately noticed all the decorations hanging from the ceiling on wires so thin they looked suspended in the air (you know, like MAGIC). This quaint little shop has a really good selection of classic novels as well as an eclectic collection of bookish decorations that would look great on any bookshelf. Sadly, I didn’t anticipate wanting to buy everything in sight while in Edinburgh so there wasn’t enough room in my luggage to bring home the decor.
Topping & Company
Topping & Co. was a little out of the way and I slogged my way there through the rain because I was determined to visit every bookshop on my itinerary. Say it with me: the itinerary is our vacation goddess and we will not disrespect her. I almost became a bookstore atheist on the way there, but the journey was well worth it. Topping & Co. is a two story oasis of words on the page and the only bookstore on the list that has rolling ladders throughout the store. I strolled around and pretended I was a guest star in Beauty and the Beast.
It was time for lunch and I was positively famished. So, like an idiot, I slogged my way all the way back across the city to the Royal Mile because yesterday I saw a sign for a restaurant called The Witchery. I was picturing epic BREWS and POTIONS in a dingy basement that smelled suspiciously like burning sage but I was oh so….so wrong.
I went inside to inspect the place and was on the verge of turning around when the host cornered me and asked if he could take me to a table. This place was so far out of my league I thought I might have to commandeer some bagpipes to play on the street corner to afford one cocktail. But this man was looking at me with the righteous judgment of an individual who suspected I had stepped foot in the wrong establishment (I was in gym clothes) so I said, “AbsoLUTELY you can show me to my table GOOD SIR.” And that’s the story of how I ended up dining alone in athleisure at a restaurant full of couples on dates while guzzling Irish Coffee to cope with the fact that I paid $35 for an appetizer (the cheapest item on the menu) that turned out to just be some weird green soup that tasted like grass.
In the afternoon I traipsed BACK across town AGAIN (I am truly a fool…like why did I not bother to use a godforsaken map?) to hike up Calton Hill. The views from the top of the hill were stunning. The fog makes Edinburgh look like the setting of a Charles Dickens novel. It’s grim, it’s gloom, it’s doom.
Day 3
Day 3 is all about Harry Potter. I have read each and every Harry Potter book more than ten times and I was fulfilling my lifelong dream I didn’t know I had until Thursday afternoon on March 24, 2023 of going to, quite literally, every single Harry Potter tourist location in the city of Edinburgh.
Day 3 spots:
- Breakfast: The Milkman
- Sights:
- Dean Village (aka: Hogsmeade. Dean Village for the Muggles in the room)
- George Heriot’s School (inspired Hogwarts)
- Greyfriar’s Kirkyard (Tom Riddell’s grave for the peasants who didn’t know)
- J.K. Rowling’s handprints
- Musem Context
- The Enchanted Galaxy
- Lunch: McGonagall’s (it has nothing to with Harry Potter but the name was good enough for me)
- Edinburgh Tours:
- The Real Mary King’s Close
- Dinner: hotel dinner (I walked like 15 miles please don’t be mad at me)
THIS IS NOT A DRILL: IT’S HARRY POTTER DAY. Yes I dedicated an entire day to visiting every Harry Potter location in the city limits of Edinburgh, Scotland. I cannot stress this enough. I LOVE Harry Potter.
The first stop of the day is Dean Village. Dean Village is actually a residential town and there really isn’t a lot to do there. I don’t even think there’s a restaurant other than the coffee cart vendor selling lattes as you cross the bridge from Edinburgh proper into Dean Village. However, while there isn’t a whole lot to do here in terms of tourism, it is a gorgeous place to admire the colorful buildings and let your imagination run wild with fantasies about butterbeer.
Next I headed to George Heriot’s school. This may have been obvious to all of you, but I didn’t anticipate not being permitted on the school grounds. So, while it was not open to the public, I did get a distant look at the castle and yes, it did look almost exactly like Hogwarts. And here I was thinking J.K. Rowling was some kind of genius. Little did I know Hogwarts is actually just a real place in Edinburgh.
Luckily, George Heriot’s school is very close to Greyfriars Kirkyard. One thing I’ve always found amusing about tourist locations is that, inevitably, the internet will recommend that you visit a cemetery. Isn’t that morbid? Furthermore…I always go. And today would be no different. I prowled around, dodging groups of tourists that had come to see the church at the center of the graveyard, while I hunted for the grave of some dead guy named Tom. I was on the verge of failure when I finally spotted it. And that was when I found out the real Tom Riddell was a lawyer! It alllll makes sense now. Lord Voldemort was just another attorney at law.
It was time for some shopping. I headed over to Victoria Street to stare at things on shelves that I had no intention of actually purchasing. But window shopping is for the VIBES.
The first Harry Potter shopping destination on the to-do list is the Enchanted Galaxy. When you first walk through the doors you’ll be greeted with Harry Potter theme music but that’s not actually all this store has. They also have merchandise for Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and some anime shows I don’t care about. You can get your house gear here along with a wand and some really cool Christmas tree ornaments.
Museum Context might be my favorite part of Edinburgh. The Enchanted Galaxy was cool, if a little kitschy for my taste. Museum Context feels like an actual magic shop that you’d see in Harry Potter. There are crystals, potions, and books about witchcraft in every nook and cranny of this place. It does also carry loads of Harry Potter merchandise that, in my opinion, looked like higher quality than the stuff at the Enchanted Galaxy. I went back to this store more times than I’d like to admit during the four days I spent in Edinburgh.
After my grand Harry Potter excursion in the morning, I decided the only acceptable follow up activity was to get drunk. So, like any true Scotswoman, I followed the scent of whiskey until I arrived in front of a fine establishment by the name of McGonagall’s (I found this place on accident). I then spent the next five hours trying virtually every cocktail on their menu while reading a delightful novel by the name of A Court of Thorns and Roses.
To finish off the best day I’ve ever had, I decided to go on a ghost tour of the Real Mary King’s Cross. It wasn’t actually a ghost tour, but I booked it while I was drunk and the advertisement photo was of a doctor’s costume during the bubonic plague (please look at this it’s utterly terrifying). This ended up being more of a historical tour, which was a huge bummer for drunk me as I’d been hoping to get the ever living sh*t scared out of me. That being said, it ended up being both very entertaining and very educational. I learned loads about how the Scots dealt with the bubonic plague and some of the important historical figures who lived through it.
Day 4
It is tragically the last day of our journey in Edinburgh. I’ve seen scruffy men in kilts, bought highland cow figurines, gotten drunk in at least four different restaurants all by my lonesome, and tripped over cobblestones at every other turn. Let’s wrap it up.
Day 4 stops:
- Sights:
- Palace and Abbey of Holyrood
- Lunch: Red Bistro Bus Tour (genuinely the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life)
- Second Lunch: The Wall
- Edinburgh Tours:
- Ghost bus tour!
- Dinner: Howie’s (traditional Scottish fare)
I awakened with a heavy heart on my last day in Edinburgh. This fever dream where I pretended I never had to return to corporate America was drawing to a close. I could smell the stench of my corporate overloads’ breath as they beckoned me back to my cubicle. There were only a few things left on my itinerary so I grabbed my umbrella and took to the streets of Scotland!
Drunk me had booked an additional tour for this final day so I had to wrap up my sightseeing by lunchtime to make it to my tour: the Red Bistro Bus Tour.
First things first, I walked all the way across Edinburgh to see the final historical site on the itinerary. The Palace and Abbey of Holyrood is the King’s (boo) official residence in Edinburgh. It has been the monarchy’s official residence in Scotland since the 16th Century. Luckily for my lazy self, this was the kind of tour I appreciated. They hand you a headset on your way in and a little voice details all the historical facts about the place as you stroll through at your leisure. You don’t have to talk to anyone (indeed, the headset prevents it) and you don’t have to read anything. It’s truly amazing that I wrote an entire book given my vehement opposition to reading anything educational on vacation. You’ll walk through room after room of amazing artwork and preserved decor that will illustrate how the royals have been living for centuries. Like the true American Patriot I am, I left a container of Lipton Teabags on top of the King’s dresser (I did not actually do this).
The events I’m about to describe will detail one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. Prepare yourselves, good readers of this blog. For the horrors to which you are about to bear witness.
On Thursday, March 30th of the year 2023, I unsuspectingly booked myself a slot on the Red Bistro Bus Tour. To put it mildly, I was ecstatic about participating in a tea and cocktail hour atop a cute red bus as it drove through historic Edinburgh.
When I arrived at the designated location, I was informed by the tour guides from a different company that the pickup location for the Red Bistro Bus Tour was actually NOT at the location they had sent me in the confirmation email. I clutched my backpack an SPRINTED the 7+ blocks to the actual location of this hell on wheels tour, where the guides greeted me as if that was a totally acceptable occurrence.
Grumbling, I boarded and discovered that, to my dismay, every single party on this bus appeared to be honeymooners. And then there was me. We were already off to a bad start, but I had preordered alcohol so I shrugged and figured I could drink the bad vibes away. NOT SO, fair people. I was to be deprived entirely of alcohol and I discovered this by attempting to knock back what appeared to be a shot of pink magical liquid only to discover that it was JELLO. JELLO!? My rage knew no bounds. But I’m from the Midwest, where we are insufferably polite and so I was too timid to demand my tequila. I would soon discover that this was the least of my worries on this drive to the depths of Beelzebub’s lair.
The “tour guide” began to speak. But the microphone was so poorly wired that I could not understand nary a word she said. Her garbled voice filled the air and for once in my life, I wish I took my ear cleaning regimen less seriously so that I could have avoided having to listen this veritable assault on my eardrums. It did not stop there. And, mind you, this bus is rolling. I cannot escape, although I did momentarily consider flinging myself out of the window to an inevitable death.
You may not believe it, but things continued to get worse. Apparently one of the lovely couples on this bus of despair had a birthday coming up. And her fiancé put in a request for the staff to sing happy birthday to her. This tour not only did not provide me with any liquor, but we also finished off our drive around Edinburgh with a round of “Happy Birthday” sung by the ENTIRE bus of honeymooners.
I barely escaped with my life. I spent three hours recovering from this calamity by sitting in a quiet coffee shop, speaking to no one, and reading my book. On the bright side, The Wall is a wonderful cafe and bakery that serves a mean latte.
I finished off the night with a course of traditional Scottish fare at Howie’s. They have several locations throughout the city, but I went to the one on Victoria Street because I wanted to spend my last hours in Edinburgh gazing out at the colorful shopfronts and reminiscing about this magical week.
Finally, I impulse purchased a spot on the Ghost Bus Tour in Edinburgh because I refused to end my vacation with the Red Bistro Bitchass Bus Tour. Now THIS was an excellent tour. The tour guide had a functioning microphone, provided riveting entertainment, and told fascinating (if fictional) stories about suspicious murders and ghost appearances all over Edinburgh.